Shopping With Twins In Tow

Twins on Board Sign

By Patti Wigington

"Twins?" she asks.

I nod.

"Are they identical?"

"No," I explain patiently. "They're fraternal. One's a boy and one's a girl."

The cashier looks at me skeptically. "I don't know. They sure look identical to me."

I assure her that my babies are fraternal twins and pay for my stuff. By this time Zac's screams resemble my neighbor's car alarm. Bree has stuck out her lower lip, tears gushing down her plump cheeks.

I grin and thank the cashier politely. Finally I make it to my mini-van, load both squirming, howling babies into their car seats, pinch Breanna's hand in the buckle, fold up my trusty double-wide and stuff it in the back. I throw my toilet paper in with it. My bottle of shampoo is nowhere to be seen. Fine. I am not unloading everyone to go back inside. I start singing "The Skunk Song" and both babies are quiet before I am out of the parking lot. Such is a day in the life of shopping with twins.

They are only nine months old, and for a while I was convinced I would just never take them shopping. However, after a couple of weeks without food in the house, and Caitlin, my older daughter, yelling, "Mom! The babies are out of diapers again!"' I realized that sooner or later I was going to have to emerge from my new-mom cocoon and go out in public. I enjoy taking them places because they are so much fun, but I have learned, through trial and error, that some things work, and some… well, let's not even go there.

First of all, the double stroller, whether it's a side-by-side or inline model, is essential if your twins are small. It goes against the laws of physics to carry a pair of twins in your arms along with a gallon of milk and a bag of Pampers. If your stroller has a basket underneath, you can stuff small items down there and never tangle with a cart at all. If your twins are too big for a stroller, they are automatically going to head in opposite directions anyway, one to the toys and one to the sporting goods department.

Speaking of carts, learn to master the one-handed stroller push so you can drag a cart along behind you. Make sure you grab one that has all four wheels aimed in the same direction or it will take an hour simply to navigate the dairy aisle. If your kids will hold still, you might be able to put one in the cart's seat and one in the basket section, but they will want to switch places every thirty seconds or so. Also, the general rule is that stores that have carts are cheaper than stores that don't. You don't see carts in upscale department stores. That way we can't bring our yowling little angels into the lingerie department, or let them try on samples of forty-dollar mascara at the makeup counter.

Always make a list, recommends Barb, a personal shopper. Whether shopping with one child, two, or four, if you stick to your list you will be in and out of the store much faster. Save the browsing for when you're alone. She also suggests shopping early in the day, when stores are less crowded. "I try to go the same day each week, so it becomes part of my routine," she says.

Know the store's layout. This way you can zip from one necessity to the other without unnecessary stops. Shopping with twins is nothing short of a full-scale military operation. Much like Operation Desert Storm, if everything is planned ahead of time, it just might work.

Did I mention snacks? When my two were smaller, by which I mean unable to sit upright, I would plop down in one of the shoe department chairs and hold bottles into the stroller, where they would cheerfully eat like little baby birds. Now that they are bigger, a bag of animal crackers usually does the trick. I end up with cracker goop all over the stroller, but who cares? My babies are happy, and if I can get from one end of Target to the other, I'm happy.

Peggy is the mother of fraternal twin girls, now seventeen, and says that because she chose to go back to work soon after they were born, shopping became a family event. She rarely went out without her husband. In addition to her twins, she had two small boys, and the whole family went out together, which could become utter chaos. Her solution? Shop by mail! "Once I figured out what size everyone wore, I could order everything through catalogs and never have to take (the kids) out to the store. We didn't go too many places." Of course, as they got older and began to choose their own styles, it got a little trickier. Now, with the advent of the Internet and so-many e-businesses, shopping from home is literally a mouse-click away.

Moms who opt to stay at home may find themselves stepping out with their little ones simply to get away from the house. Becky, mother of boys who are now twenty, says, "I knew it was time to get out more when Mr. Rogers started looking good. You have to speak to people who use more than one-syllable words. You need contact with other adults." And if the cashier at Wal-Mart is your adult contact for the day, so be it. Becky also recommends allowing an extra half hour or so to stop and field the inevitable attention your twins will receive, and the questions, most of which will be of a highly personal nature. Remember, you only need to answer the questions you are comfortable with. When someone asks you if you took fertility drugs, or how much weight you gained, it is acceptable to smile politely and say, in the immortal words of Miss Manners, "I can't imagine why you would want to know such a thing."

When you take your twins out in public, some things just don't get done. It's nothing like shopping with one child, or better yet, alone. Forget about trying on clothes. It's not going to happen. One of your twins will inevitably open the dressing room door and scamper away when you are half naked, or they will both discover they can peek at other shoppers and giggle at them under the divider walls. Either way, you are better off buying clothes when you are by yourself, or you can just plan to wear the same thing month after month. It had been so long since I bought new clothes, my rear end had actually changed by four sizes when I went out shopping again. Also, don't plan on doing anything that involves standing in long lines, like putting a bike on layaway or getting your drivers license renewed. The people around you will admire your twins at first, but after twenty minutes of hearing "Can we go now? I'm hungry! Dustin/Megan/Cody just pooped! Mommy, why is that lady so fat?" they will wish that you and your little cherubs would just go somewhere else.

Moms universally seem to agree on one law of shopping: make sure the kids are rested! They'll have more fun and so will you. Know what time of day they are at their best, and base your excursions on nap time, meal time, and just plain old We're Cranky time. I know better than to take my offspring out in public between six and seven in the evening. It is when they turn into Breezilla and Zachasaurus Rex, the Evil Ones.

Shopping with twins in tow doesn't have to be a bad experience; if you want to show them off, go for it! Before you do go out, take an extra few minutes to make a shopping list and pack snacks. Once in the store, get what you need and be prepared to bail out and abandon the cart if all else fails. Schedule your trips around the kids, even if it means you have to eat a late lunch yourself or miss your favorite TV show. It's worth it in the long run, believe me.

I peek at my babies in the rearview mirror. Zac and Bree are snoring peacefully in the back seat of the van. They are beautiful, and resting at last. When I get home, Caitlin greets me at the back door.

"I missed you, mom." She grabs the toilet paper and carries it into the house. "By the way, did you know the babies are out of diapers again?"