When the Babies are Too Sick
For Visitors

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Where there are newborns, there are friends and family anxious to cuddle, kiss and coo. Quelling these natural urges can be a tough job for parents whose babies are too sick for visitors. While it's important they stay away while the children are healing, well-wishers need not be cut entirely out of the picture. Through photographs, videos and other tools, parents can maintain that vital link between the babies and their admirers.

For Carol, mother of four, this scenario is all too familiar. Three years ago, she gave birth to twin girls. They were born at 26 weeks gestation and weighed 2 1/2 pounds each. Needless to say, the babies needed time to fully develop their lungs and immune systems.

The family was home for just five days when one little girl arrested due to beta strep; a day later, her twin's fever spiked due to kidney reflux. It was back to the hospital for more medical attention. When all was said and done, four months had passed before Carol and her husband, Christopher, could bring their babies home for good.
Even then, visitors were kept to a minimum.

• "If anyone had a cough, a sniffle, anything, they couldn't see the babies," says Carol. "Our families had a hard time understanding that. Initially, they were judgmental and thought we were being overprotective. The first year was really hard." Through persistence, Carol found the key to her friends' and family's understanding: communication and lots of it.
• "If I found an article in a magazine that explained our situation, I would put it in the mail with a note that said, "Call me and we'll talk about it," Carol says. The same went for brochures and guidelines from the twins' doctors and therapists. "When they see it in black and white, information seems to stick with people better than when they get it verbally." She also forwarded evidence of the twins’ healing progress. As they graduated each step of their physical therapy, she sent off a note. The sharing served not only as a line of communication but as a form of education. The more family and friends learned about the babies' conditions, the more they appreciated the parents' need to help their babies get healthy. Visual aids proved to be an effective tool, as well.
• "I took at least one photograph of the girls every day. Then, religiously, every two weeks I would send a package of pictures out to everyone—the grandparents in Florida and Cincinnati, even my sisters who live locally," Carol says. She often included a note written as if from the girls, saying, "We’re not untouchable, you just have to wait a little while. My family has grown to depend on those bi-weekly packages of photos."
• Videos are another sure bet. Carol taped everything from the girls interacting with their older brother, who was 14 when they were born, to special visits with grandparents. An especially precious memory was preserved when Carol caught the girls responding to blues music played by the girls' grandfather on his guitar.
• "I sent that tape to their grandfather. Now, every time he visits, he plays the girls the blues," Carol says.
• Communication. In any form, it helps parents of sick babies stay in touch with the outside world and helps the outside world feel like it's part of the babies' lives. It doesn't have to be elaborate; a simple phone call to let Grandma hear the children giggle can be enough.
• "A mom needs support from friends and family. When they don't understand right away, though, a mom can be pulled in many directions. You can't sway. You have to put your foot down because the bottom line always is to protect your children," Carol says.