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When You Don't Have Time For A Shower

Mother of Twins Mug

By Julia DeVillers

Did you ever think that having a shower would be a major goal in your day? New moms know that some days, you look at the clock, it's after lunch, and you haven't even thought about a shower yet.

If you read the baby books, they will spout such ideals as "Place your baby in a baby seat near your shower stall and let him gurgle and coo as you wave to him from your leisurely shower." "Ok," you want to yell at the author. "I have two babies and a cramped bathroom and the chances of them both not screaming bloody murder while I get the conditioner out of my hair are close to zero - any other brilliant suggestions?" Of course, the book doesn't offer any. So I will give you some.

1. Take a sponge shower. Also known as a sponge bath, this involves attempting to use a washcloth and soap to clean any part of your body that doesn’t have a twin attached to it. If you find yourself frequently using this desperate measure, make it easier on yourself by keeping your soap and washcloth in a bucket conveniently located near a sink. Even better, take a luxury sponge bath. Keep some fancy bath products, a loofah, and lotion in that bucket so you can pretend, even for a split second, that you are pampering yourself.

2. Don the Athletic Look. I have two words for you: baseball hat. Hey, the celebrities use this trick all the time to cover up their bad hair days, why can't you? When just a ponytail won’t cover up the baby goo in your locks, toss on a baseball hat and assume a sporty jaunt. Raid your husband's closet for his best baseball hats. (If he even thinks of complaining about seeing his precious hat on your oily head, hand him the twins, lock yourself in the bathroom and jump in the shower for a long, steamy one.)

3. Be Trendy. That's right, having no time for a shower can allow you to adopt a trendy fashion model look - gel. Dump on the hair gook and slick your hair back. Chic, and it blends right in with the greasiness from starring in Showerless: Day 3.

4. Use the ‘Wait Until the Doorbell Rings’ Emergency Routine. You are un-showered. The doorbell rings and it is Ms. Polished, your perfectly coiffed neighbor. Quick, run to the sink. Dunk your head under the water and announce as soon as you open the door: “I just stepped out of the shower!” If you want to complete the effect, toss on a robe. (I know how it is, on days like these, you likely haven’t gotten dressed and are still in a robe anyway.)

5. Try a Dry Shampoo. Dry shampoos are powder shampoos you sprinkle on your hair and brush out. Sure, if they worked as good as your regular bottle of Pantene then they wouldn't be used mainly by hospitals and people who are too sick to get in a shower. But, they do absorb the oil from your hair and might be better than nothing.

6. Use the Natural Mother Excuse. Ok, we all know that when you miss too many showers, you start to become the kid you didn’t want to sit next to in sixth grade. You smell, er, ripe. While I am not encouraging this for long-term or frequent use, here's your new thinking: Baby books often recommend that moms of babies don’t wear perfume or scented products because it masks the mother's natural scent. And, babies come to recognize your scent and might bond with you more easily. Aha! By letting your natural - very natural after missing those showers¾eau de Mommy scent ripen, you are actually being a very good mother. Not merely a smelly one.

Believe me, I empathize with you. I've been there. Ok, I admit, I am still there. It is 11:30 a.m. and I have been so busy writing about what to do when you don’t have time for a shower that yes, I haven't taken one yet myself. But that’s where I am headed now!

Julia DeVillers is a freelance writer who has a twin sister. When she asked her mother for tips on how to sneak in a shower when you have young twins, her mother laughed. For a long, long time.

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