Don't Even Think About
Cleaning

Embroidered Denim Shirt

By Julie DeVillers

• "Oh how nice, another visitor coming to see the twins!"
• "Oh (insert expletive of choice). My house is a disaster. Maybe if I turn off all the lights and carry the twins to the basement to muffle their cries the visitor will just leave the casserole on the porch and go away."

No matter how much we might hate to admit it, most of us moms do care a little bit about the cleanliness of our homes. There's that fear that our mother-in-law and our neighbors secretly are gauging our new mom success by peeking around the house for signs we are falling apart. So, how can you make cleaning the house go away as quickly as possible?

1. Ignore the cleaning altogether. Put your priorities in order: time with the twins, your spouse, sleep, and yes even for yourself at the top. The smug glance from your mother as she runs her finger along the dusty cabinet at the bottom? The bottom of the bottom. If your kids are old enough to explore, focus on picking up choking hazards. Disregard the spots on the windows. Practice repeating this mantra: "When I am dying I won't regret not having a spotless house, but I would regret not spending my time on the twins."
   
   
2. Practice Sneaky Cleaning Tips. Kathy, mother of 2-year-old twins, has the right attitude: "Leave the vacuum cleaner out in case someone comes over - they will think you’re in the middle of cleaning." Along those lines, wear old clothes and tie a bandanna around your head to really complete the cleaning look. This tactic has the added bonus of giving you an excuse to not take a shower or do your hair. Squirt a lemon-fresh deodorizing spray to give your house that, "yes I am clean even though I don't look it, perception". Designate one closet or box as a place to quickly throw any clutter in. Don't let anyone open it and you're free and clear.
   
   
3. Enlist your husband. Either you are smiling smugly because your husband is a rare creature who already is helping, or you are laughing hysterically at the thought of counting on help from Him. Melissa Dinan, mother of 6-month-old twins and a 14-month-old, suggests letting your husband pick and choose the chores he is most willing to do. Cut him some slack: don't nag that he isn’t doing things "your way" or you will lose your chances of extra help.
   
   
4. Get someone else to do it. Don't skip this section even if you are thinking "Look lady, I am spending all of my money on diapers and double strollers, I can't afford to get help." Obviously, if you have the means to hire a cleaning service or cleaning person, now is the time in your life to do so. You do have more important things to do with your time, Mommy. But, this route can be expensive. So try other tactics: Hire a high school student to come in once a week to clean the whole house or just do a few tasks. Call your local high school and ask them to post a notice that you are seeking cleaning help. Very cost-effective. Swap cleaning chores with a trusted friend. (I say trusted because you have to be willing to let someone else see the true nature of the mess within.) Start a cleaning co-op with other moms. Take turns watching each other's kids and helping each other with housework. It's free and you get to be social to boot! Be brave and when your mother asks you, "How can I help?" hand her the broom and a dustpan.

Julie DeVillers is a freelance writer, a twin, and a mother. As she writes this, her can of lemon-fresh deodorizing spray is close at hand in case the doorbell rings.