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Dad's Point of View
By Mandi Custer
"My family size just doubled, but my salary didn't. Neither did the
number of hours in the day." Fathers of twins experience stresses
and joys that are unique to fathers of multiples.
Like moms, all dads enter parenting with different expectations and experience
with children. Traditionally, more women than men have had some child
care experience, whether it was taking care of younger siblings or baby-sitting.
Those dads who have never changed a diaper, fed, or responded to an infant's
incessant crying can feel a double whammy when they have two babies demanding
attention at once.
Add that to the fact that dads traditionally are, or feel, most responsible
for the financial well-being of their families, and having two babies
at once two car seats, two cribs, two times the number of diapers, two
college educations twins can be a big financial stressor.
But while having twins can be a shock to a new dad's system, most dads
of twins report they are proud, happy and making valiant attempts to adapt
to their new, larger families. Dads today are pushing the double strollers
at the playground, juggling two kids at Gymboree class-and many of them
are smiling.
"When I first found out we were having twins, I didn`t know what
to think," says Joe, father of a 3-year-old daughter and 1-year-old
twin boy and girl. "We thought, 'What are we going to do?' But it
just has to be looked at as a positive for your life."
"My first reactions were shock and delight," adds Bill, father
of a set of boy and girl twins. "We were completely psyched. It was
our first pregnancy, and to start with a bang all at once was all right
with me."
The role of a father can change dramatically when you have twins. According
to the fathers in a recent survey, the biggest surprises about parenting
multiples was the time required for their care, the attention multiples
attract from others, the lack of sleep, financial stress and marital stress.
"Before the twins, I was just a spectator," notes Joe. I was
an active father, but it was easy. Looking back, having one seems like
the easiest thing in the world. Now it is more of a participation sport.
It's more than twice the work. All of a sudden you are outnumbered and
balancing a career and lack of sleep. I`m a willing participant, though,
and it's a lot more fun. But I have to admit that some days the inmates
take over this insane asylum that we call home."
"It's all about adapting," says Jeff, father of a one-year-old
daughter and twin infant boys. "Because you are constantly busy,
there is never a down moment. There is also never a dull moment."
Many fathers of twins recognize the pressure their wives feel when they
stay home with the twins during the day. "Now when I get home from
work the babies are handed off to me for two or three hours," says
Bill. "By 6 p.m. and on the weekends, I am feeding, changing diapers,
and playing with them. My wife is with them all day long and I know you
can`t do this 14 hours a day. As long as you are awake you don`t have
a moment to yourself. Some nights she stays in, but she does get to go
out for a workout or coffee with her friends. But it would be sad if a
father didn`t understand that need for time, and also didn`t relish those
hours he does get to spend with his twins."
But when it comes down to it, most dads say their lives changed for the
better when they had their twins. "Just having two kids the same
age, with that special bond, the whole thought of it and experience is
amazing. Everything about it is a blessing," said Jeff.
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